Sunday, April 15, 2012

Just ramblin'

I haven't written a blog of any kind in quite a while. So I thought I would write one tonight since I had quite a few things on my mind. Might as well share some of it through my blog, right?

I'm not that happy with quite a few things in my life. I may walk around, flashing a smile or even moving with a sense of stability and confidence. But I'm really quite down, sometimes angry, sad, lonely and confused-- to name a few.

Just like a lot of you, I'm dealing with family issues that aren't quite joyful right now. I wish I could see my father more too. I'm angry that I haven't made more time for my dad. I mean, he, my younger brother and other immediate family I don't need to name are really all I have now. I've honestly been a lot different since I lost my mother back in 2010. Seems like last week. I'm not nearly as up beat. I don't do a lot of the things I used to do. I don't have a lot of the same motivations.

I'm not even doing the same career. I was once a great (so I've been told) sports writer/ editor. Now I do media relations at Charlotte Motor Speedway, as well as help people realize they should live healthier lives by exercising, eating right and signing memberships at a health club in Charlotte.

I also freelance during football season. That gives me a slight writing/ reporting fix. I honestly miss being a full-time sports writer. But I also honestly want to be happy doing something completely different. Hope I'm not boring you yet.

I always tell my girlfriend, Ashley, about how frustrated I am about how my life is right now. It's not bad now, but it's NOT nearly as good as I imagined it would be at this point. Part of that is because of the loss I've dealt with, the unfortunate path of my younger brother, unexpected career alterations and a collection of other bad decisions I've made throughout the last three or four years -- both personal and professional.

NOW, the focus has to be on making the next phase good... instead of dwelling on what could've, should've or might've been. Ya know?

Where do I even start? When should I start? Right now. Today.

Got to make more time for family. Have to focus on the NEXT PHASE, and have to start appreciating today. I always tell friends not to wait until the JUDGE THROWS THE BOOK AT YOU BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO READ. What I mean by that is make changes for the best today. Don't wait on unfortunate incidents to make you do what we all know should be getting done today.

Let's "READ," so to speak.