Thursday, February 24, 2011

I want ALL of the love

I've been thinking. LOL.

Let me stop right there by adding that it's not my first time thinking. I actually think about a number of things all of the time. I'm talking about my love life in this particular blog. A friend of mine was asking me why I'm not married or something.

I immediately replied by saying that I haven't found or been in a relationship with a female that I would consider being with forever. The last time I met someone I felt so strongly about was probably college. So, my dude was like, "So, you're sayin' none of the ADULT women you've met through the years have made you consider marriage?" Of course some of them have. But when it was all said and done I realized that I didn't want them as much as I thought I did from the start.

My last two serious relationships ended due to me not completely being down with the fact that they had two YOUNG kids. I honestly don't think that's a problem. It's the fact that I don't have ANY kids and would be pushed into a large family from day one. I've tried it twice, and I noticed different situations causing me to back off during both relationships.

One situation is was the lack of discipline being administered by the mother. I didn't agree with a number of things and ways she handled her kids. But they were her kids, and I didn't feel comfortable giving my advice, especially when the times I've attempted to put my two cents in were shut down or simply ignored. That's the short version. But I didn't see a future in a relationship where I was having to hold my tongue or shake my head over the way she chose to raise her kids. So, I let her DO IT BY HERSELF.

Another situation cleared things up for me a bit more. In my second failed attempt at seriously dating someone with kids I saw that I would never be the MOST IMPORTANT person in HER LIFE. Her kids would always be number one. I understand that. But that doesn't take away from most people's desire to be the most important person to their significant other at ONE time or another. My time didn't seem like it would come until we ALL got older, and I am not trying to wait on that.

And... I would never be the father to anyone else's kids. Not for real, and definitely not to the kids involed. I wouldn't even get a chance to be the most important person to THEM. I'd either simply be their mom's boyfriend or the man that is taken the spot of their dad.

To make a long story short, I want to be the most important person in your life. I want to be the one you love the most. I want to be the one you think about more than anything. I want to be the one you want to share your life with and grow together.

I won't stop until we're TOGETHER.